


Within the cottage

by 221BCecil



Category: Within the Wires (Podcast)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-09-01 09:51:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8619760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/221BCecil/pseuds/221BCecil
Summary: I sat up, waiting until the night had swallowed up the stars, for you to come. You were coming. You HAD to be coming.





	

The pills made me gag. . Every time I looked at them, on the counter next to the bath, my body seemed ready to recoil at what it knew was coming. I would shake two out into my palm. One, the antibiotic, meant to fight the infection I had before you arrived, and to prevent it from getting worse, the other, a light narcotic, meant to dull the pain enough for me to function alone. Whenever I put them to my lips, my mouth would go as dry as the sand that touches the front steps. My body seeming to remember that horrid lozenge I had to take in order to be prepared for carpentry.

I always had to take a few breaths. I tried to remind my body that I was free of that. That these pills were to help us. I’d fill my mouth with water from the tap, and drop them into the pool, swallowing before my body knew what I had done to trick it.

The bottles said I should take them with food..so I would make my way slowly to the kitchen. The morning was always so quiet. For the first few days it terrified me. I had only been in the institute for maybe half a year, but I was so used to noise. To the shuffle of slippers, the firm step of guards and security nurses past my doorway. The sounds of carpentry that could never quite be muddled by the thick door.

When I first woke up here, I was terrified. I didnt know how I got here, or where ‘here’ even was. I remembered stabbing the nurse…I remember you coming in. but then the world goes sideways and dark. And then I am here…in the cottage.

I had jumped out of the bed. I had fallen immediately to the floor and I had gasped, short, ragged breaths as the pain in my body took the wind from my lungs. Tears sprang, hot, to my eyes and all I could do was try and breathe..I gasped your name. You had to be in another room. You just hadnt heard me wake up.

“Hes..Hester..” I had managed. But you didnt come. Nobody did. After trying two more times, my voice getting just a bit more steady, I managed to use the nightstand to get to my feet. Literally everything on me and within me hurt. It was like I had been hit by a truck, and its fender had cut into my torso, gutting me. Every step brought a wave of pain, but I made it to the bathroom, where I first saw the pills. I had recognized the names, and maybe, just maybe, took too many of the ones for pain that first day.

Once the pain had turned into a dull throb, I looked around the house for you. There was no sign. There were clothes, light t-shirts, loose pants, long loose dresses, all in my size in the closet, besides jeans, blouses, skirts, that clearly had belonged to you. There were slide on flats, and running shoes. There had been food in the fridge, fresh. Whoever had brought me here, had made sure I had food and drink..enough to get me through the first few days. 

But where were you? I sat up, waiting until the night had swallowed up the stars, for you to come. You were coming. You HAD to be coming. 

But you didnt. A week and four days passed, and you had not come. I had made my way outside the cottage. I walked, nervous, terrified, to the small store. Got milk, eggs, tomatoes, spinach, and cheese, then fled back to the cottage, not wanting to miss you if you showed up.

But you didnt. I ate a lot of omelettes that week. I walked outside a bit. Every day that went by, I brought myself to spend just a bit more time outside the cottage. I sat in the sand. I let the wind, moist, whip my hair around my face. I let the rain fall and soak my skin. It burned the wounds, which were not fully healed yet, but well on their way to being healed, through my shirt. 

You would have laughed…

Or would you have told me to come inside?

I confess…I remembered you, but that did very little for me. You knew me. But I did not know anything more than my trust for you. You had saved me, but I did not know anything more of who you were…who you are. After I was 10, I forgot you. I was made to forget you had ever existed. That you had ever once meant so much to me.

You had forgotten me as well, until we were older. And you lied to me, to become a part of my life again, however small a part. When you confessed to that..I was angry. I was furious. How dare you keep that from me? I remembered everything as soon as you had recounted it. I would have remembered it then. Things could have been different!

But then all the wind was taken from my sail, because I, too, had lied. I hadnt wanted to risk scaring Nell away, so I had lied about who I was. I was no better than you.

I had nothing to go on, Hester. Did you have me brought here just to leave me?  
~~  
It has been almost a month since I woke up here, in the cottage on the sea. I take long walks on the beach now…I cant run as fast as I used to yet, but I am working on it. My wounds are almost completely healed, and I feel like myself again. I feel like Oleta. You were right, that bakery is excellent, well worth the walk to the square. The elderly woman always slips me a cinnamon bun when I go in for bread. She says I dont eat enough, that how will I find a man when I am all skin and bone. I just smile and remind her that I am waiting for someone already

I bought a calendar. The day I got your last tape. I mark down every day you arent here. It doesnt make things faster, but it helps. Because every day I know you are a day closer to being free, too. Youre a day closer to coming here, to coming home.  
I admit, I had to replace a glass the day the tape came. It had been weeks with no word and suddenly someone was at my door. I had been terrified. Had they found me? Were they taking me back to the institute to finish what they had started? 

No. It was just the postman. I had seen him many times, but this was the first time he had anything for me. He joked that it must have been all the bulk mail I had avoided picking up, due to the odd shape of the package. I laughed forcefully, and waved when he went on his way. I didnt recognize the envelope, but when I opened it, I actually smiled. It was something. 

I sat on the chair on the porch, and sliding those headphones onto my ears, was oddly blissful. When your voice piped through my heart filled, and I was just so happy to hear your voice, that I wasnt even upset when you told me about my sister.

Of course she told..of course you told her. You always were so attuned to me, that of course you would have known I would have wanted to protect her. Im not mad at you, Hester. You did not tell because you were jealous. You told because you cared. And I am not mad at Nell, either. I had lied to her. I hadnt wanted to frighten her so I had tried to build a relationship anew. I had not respected that she had a life. She had built a life for herself, found a person worthy of sharing her home with her, and I had not respected it. I had risked her happy life for moments of happiness with her. But in my dishonesty, I had put her at risk. I never would have forgiven myself if we had both been brought to the institute because of my deceit. 

I am honestly surprised I was able to do anything even close to what I had done. Hester, my body had been so heavy. My brain had felt like it was full of smog and the world was already twisting its way into nothingness. But somehow I did it. And you saved me.

I am glad…even though she would never be able to tell another soul, I am glad you paused long enough to hear Nell. I am glad to know…that maybe she remembered me, even just a little bit. Now you know why I never sent you back to your room, Hester. 

I still dont like to sleep alone.

I sat, after side A ended. I let the ocean sounds enfold me for just a moment. So much of it was you being afraid that I wasnt here. As if I would go anywhere else. Hester, I wouldnt know where to go, even if I hadnt wanted to be here.  
Your recounting of that morning makes sense, but sadly, I do not remember any of it. I wish I did. So I could share the pain and regret you feel for having hurt me.  
I laughed at what you had done to cover your tracks. You were always so creative. I laughed a bit more at all your ideas for things we could do together. I might not have wanted to do all of them. I admit I was not much of a traveler.

But now, I am just waiting. How long will all of the things you have to do take? How long will it take for you to come home? How long will you live in fear that I will decide to leave? What if they find you? What if I never see you again. What if this last cassette is the last I will ever hear your voice.  
How did you even get me to the cave? How did you get me out of the institute? I must have been as heavy as a log.  
I have a lot of questions I want to ask, and I write them on the calendar so I dont forget them.

Despite my freedom, I still spend so much time in the cottage. I lay on the sofa, reading. I do crosswords and Sudoku puzzles, in the company of Mountain Horopito No 4, and I wait for you to come. I spend my days recalling our tapes. Building some kind of pathway where I can reach the memories easily. It helps me to worry less…and then, once the sun has set, I cross another day off the calendar, and I go to bed, to start the cycle again, but I am content.

Because I am free, and I am still myself. And when you get here, we will build a life together. And you will show me all the things you have seen, and tell me all the things you have learned. And I will draw elaborate diagrams for you. I will draw the body, as if it were one long current, and I will explain it all to you.

I will be here, forever, probably, waiting for the door to open like it had in the preparation room. I will be here, Hester..waiting for you to come home to our cottage on the sea.

Come home, Hester.


End file.
